


Falling as I'm lifting

by providing_leverage



Series: Short stuff [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, No malec here but I have plans for the future, Saddest thing I've ever written probably, based loosly on true events, emotional coming out, mundane AU, one shot for now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 08:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20504204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/providing_leverage/pseuds/providing_leverage
Summary: "Why would I cry Mom?""Because people cry at weddings Alec. And you've known Tessa and Jen since they were both your age, Tessa was your Sunday school teacher for years. I'm definitely going to cry." She kisses him on the cheek. "But it'll be nothing compared to how I'll cry when you get married."His smile dims a bit, "I'm fifteen, it's a bit early to be thinking about that."Modern human au, title from Fire In My Bones by Fleurie





	Falling as I'm lifting

**Author's Note:**

> A few months ago the denomination of the church I attended and have since I was in kindergarten announced that they do not support gay marriage or gay people, and I cried in the bathroom during communion. 
> 
> A few weeks ago the last who taught my Sunday school for three years got married in the church she also grew up in, something I will never get to do
> 
> If I ever meet a woman I love enough to marry, the odds of my bringing her back here to this aweful town to marry her, even in a place that means so much to me, are slim to none. Still it hurts that the option was taken from me by people who have never even met me.

"Isabelle Lightwood, if you are not down here in the next five minutes, we are going to be late, and you will be responsible for explaining to Tessa who's fault it is!" Maryse sighs, turning away from the staircase she'd just yelled up. "Why on Earth is it taking her this long? She's thirteenth."

Beside her, Alec shrugs. "It's not often you let her wear makeup, she's just making the most of it." 

Maryse leans forward to straighten the bow tie her oldest son is wearing. "Do you think you'll cry?"

"Why would I cry Mom?"

"Because people cry at weddings Alec. And you've known Tessa and Jen since they were both your age, Tessa was your Sunday school teacher for years. I'm definitely going to cry." She kisses him on the cheek. "But it'll be nothing compared to how I'll cry when you get married."

His smile dims a bit, "I'm fifteen, it's a bit early to be thinking about that."

She laughs and ruffles his hair. "Well, I've got tissues in my purse if needed. Now, Izzy is upstairs getting ready, both your brothers are still in the kitchen, we've got five minutes until we pull out, and you have your shoes on. Anything you want to declare?"

Alec grins, takes a deep breath, yells "I call shotgun!" and bolts for the door. 

Her other three children complain loudly from their places in the house.

÷÷÷ 

The five of them find a spot in the unusually crowded parking lot of the  _ United Methodist Church  _ of Alicante, New York. Maryse still remembers the first time she'd walked in the double wood doors, holding hands with a five year old Alec, Izzy in Robert's arms, pregnant with their youngest, new to the town and in need of permanent place to practice the faith she'd grown up with and fallen out of practice with.

She hadn't known then how the place would come to feel like home, the people inside like family.

In the hall where they ate church dinner she'd held Max's baby shower. Jace and Alec had gotten in trouble more than once for running up and down the halls. Izzy had once set up a lemonade stand on the playground during their annual fundraising garage sale and used the tips to buy herself a dress from it.

And in the fallout of her and Robert's divorce, everyone here had stood by her and her children. 

The familiar doors are wide open to invite the spring breeze in. Everywhere she looks is decked out in blue and gold. They're not actually late, despite Izzy's long beauty routine, so people are just milling around talking before the service begins. 

Since both Tessa and Jem have been attending this church for years, Maryse knows most of the people. There's also a lot of their friends, a few of whom Maryse had taught when they were in High School. Isabelle and Max both see other kids they know and go off to play with them. Jace is unsuccessfully trying to flirt with the younger sister of the best man, who is much too old for him. The woman seems to find it funny.

Alec sticks close to her until she shoos him off toward Jace, encouraging him to keep his brother from making a complete fool of himself. Maryse falls into conversation with one of the older ladies who have been here for decades, Susie. 

Halfway through a story about her son's own wedding, Susie cuts herself off abruptly. "Oh, Maryse. I'm sorry dear, I can't imagine all this is dragging up the most positive memories for you."

Maryse gives the woman a half smile. "It's okay. Yes, it does hurt a bit, but I'm happy to see Tessa and Jem finally get married. They're good for each other in a way I'm afraid Robert and I never were. Plus, our marriage wasn't all bad. I got my children out of it, after all. They're the most important thing in the world to me, headache they can occasionally be aside."

"Amen to that."

÷÷÷

Tessa's dress is honestly one of the most beautiful things Maryse has ever seen. She looks perfect at the altar, Jem next to her, and in between them Pastor Enoch. 

Enoch has been the church's preacher since long before Maryse and her family have been coming here. He's kind and patient, and a great listener. 

The whole ceremony is beautiful, though Maryse is sure they'll be finding glitter and flower petals everywhere for the next few months. 

When the vows begin, tears prick in the corners of her eyes. She glances over to check if any of her children are crying. Max doesn't seem to be paying much attention, Izzy looks like she'll need tissues soon, and Alec-

Alec is no longer at the end of their pew.

Lowering her voice as much as possible, she leans over to her daughter. "Izzy, where's Alec?"

"I don't know." The girl murmurs back, not tearing her eyes away from Jem, who is now reciting her vows. They seem to partially be in another language. "He left a minute ago. I think he was crying too."

Maryse frowns. She wants to brush it off as her oldest being emotional about the ceremony, perhaps embarrassed about crying in public, despite her assurances that everyone cries at weddings. But something, her motherly instincts or whatever, are telling her something's wrong. And that she needs to find Alec, now. 

They're sitting in the back, everyone's eyes are on the happy couple, and the doors are propped open, so it's fairly simple to slip out without drawing too much attention. Maybe it's a bit rude, but she doesn't really care. 

Instinct carries her past the bathrooms, pastor's office, and the Sunday school rooms to their small library. It's really only a few bookshelves and two armchairs. 

And hunched on the ground, Alec, sobbing into his hands. 

"Oh baby," she drops to her knees, no small feat in the dress she's wearing, and wraps her arms around him.

"Mom?" His voice is weak and croaky. "Wha- what are you doing here?"

"That depends, what do you need me to do for you?" Because he's definitely not just emotional about the wedding. He's upset, but she does know  _ why.  _

"Do you. Do you have those tissues."

She does. Alec wipes his eyes and blows his nose a few times. "I'm sorry. I thought I was over this, but seeing them get married… seeing Jem and Tessa get something I know I'll never get. I just…" he inhales. "I know that compared to others in history and even some today, I'm lucky to even have the opportunity to get married one day. But I'll never be able to do it  _ here,  _ in this church."

"Alec honey. I'm afraid I don't... understand."

"Mom I'm- I'm gay. I'm never going to marry a girl, and I'm never going to be able to get married in this church."

He wipes at his eyes again. " 'Ceremonies that celebrate homosexual unions shall not be conducted by our ministers and shall not be conducted in our churches'. That's the official quote from the United Methodist churches' website."

"Oh." She remembers hearing or seeing something about that. The conference they held, the close vote. At the time, she hadn't thought it affected her. "Alec, I'm so sorry. Thank you for telling me, my brave little boy. I'm sorry." She repeats. 

"It's not your fault. I should be the one apologizing."

"What for?"

"For keeping you from the wedding. And for keeping this a secret."

"I'm not that worried about missing it. And it's  _ your  _ sexuality, not mine. You and you alone decided who gets to know, and when and how. But I'm honored you told me."

"You really don't care?" There's a tentative hope in his hazel eyes, making Maryse feel like a monster.

"No, not at all. I've made some mistakes in the past, I know, and I'm trying to fix those. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt my unconditional love for you, for even a second. I love you, gay or straight or bi."

"I love you too Mom."

**Author's Note:**

> The official rules of calling shotgun state that, among other things, it must be a maximum of five minutes before you leave when doing so, your shoes must be on, and depending of who your siblings are, you might have to get there and claim it too.
> 
> Alec quotes the official statement from the United Methodist churches' website, and yes he does have it memorized. 
> 
> My Tumblr is @highladyofgothamcity if you want to drop in and say hi


End file.
